Accismus

A painfully awkward-looking guy in skinny jeans, and a precise-looking girl in tights and ankle boots shopped for fruit at the corner store. I would guess they were on about a fourth date. They blocked the entryway.

Girl: ‘Should we get fruit and other stuff, or…do you think…’

Guy: ‘I mean…I don’t really…’

(Long pause, during which other shoppers pushed them further into the store.)

Girl: ‘Ok, well, let’s just get fruit then, and that’s it.’

Guy: ‘Ok! Yeah!’

Girl: ‘Oh, God, I don’t even know. Do we need something for like a base, like juice, or…’

Guy: ‘…’

Girl: ‘Well, I guess we should get apples, yeah?’

Guy: ‘…’

Girl: ‘Should we, do you like red delicious apples?’

Guy: ‘Sure. Oh, sorry.’

Me: ‘Excuse me.’

Girl: ‘These are my favorite kind of apples, actually!’

Guy: ‘Yeah?!’

(Another long pause.)

Girl: ‘What? What are you laughing at?’

Guy: ‘Nothing! I just think it’s really funny that we’re making smoothies.’

Girl: ‘We are not making smoothies!’

Guy: ‘Yeah, I know. But like (mumble) funny if we were.’

Girl: ‘Should we get a mango? Excuse me.’

Me: ‘Oh, sorry.’

Girl: ‘Mango?’

Guy: ‘…’

Girl: ‘These are hard, though. It would need to be soft. Um…’

Guy: ‘…’

Girl: ‘Well, I’m going to get a carrot.’